1Who should make the first move today?
Who should make the first move? Simply the person who wants to. The old script where the man asks and the woman waits no longer holds. It never suited everyone, and it says nothing about same-sex couples.
Receiving a sincere invitation feels good, whoever you are. Taking the initiative also shows clarity: you say what you want, without games. And if you always wait for the other person to act, you let chance decide for you.
Being the one to make the first move does not mean carrying everything. You open the door, then the other person decides whether to walk through it. In other words, what happens next takes two. This advice applies to everyone, whatever your gender or the gender of the person you like.
2Online: like, message first, keep it going
On a dating app, the first move takes several forms. First, like a profile that appeals to you instead of waiting for them to spot you. Then, send the first message after a match. A match with no message leads nowhere, and often both people simply wait for the other to start.
Your first message doesn't need to be brilliant. It just needs to show that you read the profile and make them want to reply. For example: "Your photo by the Meuse makes me want to try that walk. Better in spring or autumn?" Or: "We share a love of jazz. Which album do you have on repeat right now?"
Skip the plain "hey, how are you?", because it leaves all the work to them. When you make the first move online, the point is to offer something to hold on to: a question, a detail, a smile. If they reply with questions of their own, the conversation has started.
3Suggesting a date: when and how?
After a few days of easy conversation, someone has to suggest meeting. Once again, that person can be you. The best time to ask someone out is when the chat feels regular and enjoyable, before it drags on for weeks.
So avoid two extremes when it comes to timing. Suggesting a drink by the second message can feel rushed. On the other hand, three weeks of chatting with no plan often lets the momentum fade.
Be specific: a place, a time and a short activity. For example: "I really enjoy talking with you. Fancy continuing over a coffee on Saturday, somewhere halfway between us?" A clear question leaves them free to say yes, no or "another day, maybe".
If you prefer a middle step, suggest a short video call first. On Koeur24, built-in audio and video calls let you talk without sharing your number.
4Offline: daring to say hello
Away from screens, you can also make the first move with a simple hello. A dance class, an evening with friends, a queue at a concert or a community activity all lend themselves to it. Above all, choose a moment when the person seems available.
First, read the context. Headphones on, a hurried pace or an averted gaze all say "not now". On the other hand, a returned smile or a glance that keeps coming back are among the clearest signs of attraction. Still, no sign counts as a yes: at most, it invites a question.
Wondering how to approach a woman without making her uncomfortable? The answer applies to everyone: keep it simple, stay in a public place and start from something you share. "Have you been waiting for this band for ages too?" works far better than a compliment on someone's looks.
- Introduce yourself and simply say what made you want to talk.
- Keep a comfortable distance and never block their way.
- Ask an open question, then really listen to the answer.
- Offer a way to stay in touch rather than asking for a number.
- At the first sign of discomfort, wish them a nice day and leave.
5Fear of rejection: how to put it in perspective
Fear of rejection often holds back people who would love to make the first move. A refusal stings, which is normal, so your mind prefers to avoid that small discomfort. Yet that caution has a cost: it makes you give up before you even know.
A no is not a judgement of your worth. It points to a mismatch: wrong timing, different goals, someone else on their mind. In other words, it is information, not a verdict. You don't know them yet, and they don't know you either.
To tame that fear, go step by step. First, send a sincere message without waiting for the perfect moment. Then say hello to someone in a relaxed setting. Each attempt makes the next one easier. Finally, compare both outcomes: a polite no lasts a minute, while regret can last much longer.
6Accepting a no without pushing
Daring to ask also means accepting every possible answer. If they say no, thank them and move on. For example: "Thanks for being honest, have a lovely day." No "you might change your mind", no follow-up the next day, no guilt trip.
Silence after a message is an answer too. You can send one light follow-up a few days later. If nothing comes back, let it go, because pushing turns a friendly move into pressure. Even if that ghosting disappoints you, respecting the silence protects your dignity and theirs.
Consent applies from the very first exchange. A "maybe" is not a yes, and hesitation deserves space. If you want to make the first move respectfully, you also need to know when to stop. Finally, if someone refuses to hear your own no, you can block or report their profile on Koeur24.
7What waiting for the other person costs you
Waiting for the other person to act can feel safe. In reality, it hands your love life over to chance. Two people who like each other can cross paths for weeks without a word, each waiting for a sign.
When you make the first move, you take back control. You choose who to talk to, instead of waiting for someone to choose you. And even when the answer is no, you free up time for someone more available.
So this week, pick just one action: a sincere like, a thoughtful first message or a clear invitation. What happens next no longer depends only on you, and that is exactly how it should be.