1Why does it take so long to get over a breakup?
You cannot get over a breakup in a weekend, and that is completely normal. A relationship fills your days, your habits, your plans and sometimes your circle of friends. When it ends, all of that shifts at once. Missing the person often comes in waves, first thing in the morning or late at night when the flat goes quiet.
Your emotions also mix in unexpected ways. You might feel angry in the morning, full of doubt by lunchtime and genuinely relieved by evening. That relief can feel strange, especially after a tense relationship. Still, it does not mean you never loved the person.
Many people go through recognisable phases: shock, denial, anger, sadness, then a gradual sense of calm. These are not scientific rules, only landmarks. You may go back a step, skip one or live two at once. So there is no timetable to get over a breakup, only a pace that fits you.
When a breakup happens late in the year, finding yourself alone at Christmas for the first time in years can bring the loss back to the surface.
2The first days: look after your body
Your body takes the hit first. Sleep goes haywire, appetite vanishes or turns into constant snacking, and tiredness sets in. Before trying to understand anything, look after these basics. They give you the energy you need to get over the breakup without burning out.
Keep regular bedtimes, even if sleep is slow to come. Eat simply but at set times: soup, bread and a piece of fruit will do. Also walk every day, along the Meuse or through a park near your home.
Evenings are often the hardest part, so avoid spending them alone. Plan some company instead: a friend dropping by, a call with your sister, dinner with family. You can simply say: "I'm going through a breakup, can I come over for dinner on Thursday?" Friends often do not know how to help, and a clear request makes it easier for them.
- Go to bed and get up at the same times.
- Eat three simple meals, even small ones.
- Get outside for a walk at least once a day.
- Avoid numbing the pain with alcohol.
- Book one evening with someone every week.
3Cut contact for a while
Cutting contact for a while is not a punishment. Every message revives hope, then pain. In other words, you reopen the wound before it can heal. Stepping back helps you get over the breakup at your own pace.
In practice, mute the conversation instead of deleting it on impulse. Move the photos into an archive folder you do not see every day. Above all, stop checking your ex's social media: mute their posts and stories. Every visit to their account takes you back to square one.
With children, cutting all contact is impossible, and that is not the goal. Instead, keep exchanges to logistics: schedules, school, health. Write short, factual messages, for example: "I'll drop Lina off at 6 pm on Friday." If you still share a home, agree on a moving date and separate spaces. Also ask someone close to be there on moving day.
4Understand without ruminating
Understanding what happened helps you turn the page. Ruminating, however, replays the same scenes on a loop and brings nothing new. The difference often comes down to a frame: a set time, a notebook, an end point.
Try writing. Give yourself fifteen minutes, three evenings a week. Note what felt good, what weighed on you and what you never want to live through again. Then close the notebook and switch to something else: a series, a phone call, a shower.
Next, look for lessons rather than someone to blame. Blaming your ex keeps the anger alive, while blaming yourself feeds shame. Either way, the past stays in charge. A better question to get over a breakup is this one: "What will I do differently next time?"
5The traps that set you back
Some reflexes bring relief in the moment but prolong the pain. The first is the rebound relationship: a new story started just to stop feeling the gap. It soothes for a few weeks, then the sadness returns, and now one more person gets hurt.
The second trap is an impulsive attempt to win your ex back. Flowers, a long letter, a surprise visit: these gestures come from panic, not reflection. The third is late-night messaging. At one in the morning, tiredness magnifies everything. So if the urge to write hits, type the message in your notes and reread it the next day at noon.
Your thoughts matter too. Here are two to replace when they keep looping. "I'll never find anyone again" becomes "I can't see what comes next yet, and that is normal at this stage." "It's all my fault" becomes "We both played a part, and I can learn from mine."
6Ask for help: who to turn to
Talking about your pain does not make you fragile. Start with two or three trusted friends, ideally not the ones closest to your ex. Tell them what you need: someone to listen, a night out, or simply not talking about the breakup.
If you would rather talk to someone outside your circle, call Télé-Accueil on 107 in Belgium for free, anonymous support in French. For support in Dutch, Tele-Onthaal answers on 106. In some families, relatives get closely involved in a separation. You can still set a limit kindly: "Thank you for your support, I'll talk about it when I feel better."
Also see your GP or a psychologist if the sadness lasts for weeks without easing. The same applies if it stops you from working, sleeping or looking after yourself. Getting help to get over a breakup is a clear-headed choice, not a failure. Finally, if you are in immediate danger, call 112.
7Rebuild, one step at a time
Little by little, your energy comes back. This is the moment to fill the space the relationship took up, without rushing to plug the gap. First, return to what you had set aside: a sport, an instrument, a choir, evenings with friends.
Then try a small project of your own. A Dutch class in Liège, a cooking workshop in Ghent, a weekend at the seaside: it hardly matters, as long as it comes from you. Also reconnect with friendships that faded during the relationship. A simple message works: "I miss you, fancy a coffee on Saturday?"
These small wins help you get over a breakup too. Write them down every Sunday: a lighter morning, a fit of laughter, a full night's sleep. Then reread the list on darker days.
8Dating again once you get over a breakup
A few signs show the wish is back. You think of your ex without sharp pain. You want to discover someone, not fill an absence. Above all, you no longer compare every person with the one before. Whether you want a serious relationship or something lighter, both are valid.
Then start gently. Write your profile honestly, without mentioning your ex or settling scores. If the question comes up, one sentence is enough: "I'm fresh out of a relationship and taking time to do things well." Also choose a recent profile photo that looks like you today.
On Koeur24, the built-in messaging lets you chat without giving out your number. So you stay in control of the pace, from the first message to the first date. If a conversation stirs up too much, take a break, because learning to get over a breakup is not a race. And if you are leaving a marriage, our guide to love after a divorce covers rebuilding your life.