1How to get their attention: not interested or just distracted?
You would like to get their attention, but the person seems elsewhere. Replies come slowly, messages stay short, and you wonder what to do. So before acting, ask yourself one question. Is this person not interested, or have they simply not taken the time to discover you yet?
That difference changes everything. A clear lack of interest deserves respect, with no negotiation. However, distracted attention can shift, because everyone goes through busy weeks, doubts or parallel conversations. In that case, you need no technique at all. Instead, it is about showing who you are, sincerely.
Also, this advice works for everyone, whatever the gender of the person you like. It rules out any manipulation too. The goal is mutual attention, never attention won under pressure.
2How can you spot a genuine lack of interest?
Some signals speak for themselves. The person tells you they are not looking for anything, or that they don't feel attracted. They turn down your plans without ever suggesting another. Their replies stay short and never include a question back, week after week.
In these situations, pushing gets you nowhere. Trying to get their attention after a clear no means ignoring their choice. So accept the answer and save your energy for someone who is available.
On the other hand, other clues show the door is still open. The person replies late, but warmly. They apologise for a silence, remember what you told them or sometimes pick the conversation back up themselves. They simply seem swamped or hesitant. Then you have room to become more visible, without forcing it.
3Why sincere curiosity works better than charm
The healthiest lever is curiosity. We quickly notice someone who genuinely cares about us, rather than about the image they project. So ask precise questions about what the person shared: their new job, their Sunday match, that book they wanted to finish.
Then listen to the answer instead of preparing yours. Pick up on a detail, link it to your own experience, then leave some space. For example: "You mentioned your salsa class in Brussels. So, how did the first evening go?"
A message like this shows you remember what matters to them. To get their attention, that kind of caring memory beats any pick-up line. It also makes replying easy, which helps keep the conversation going without effort.
4Have a life of your own, and share it
Your own balance also helps you get their attention. Someone with passions, friends and plans naturally gives off something appealing. Still, there is no need to invent an exciting life. Just talk about what drives you: a pottery workshop, a hike in the Ardennes, your grandmother's recipe.
Humour helps a lot too. A light remark, a funny photo of your failed dinner, a nod to a shared joke: knowing how to make someone laugh over text relaxes the exchange and makes replying tempting. Keep it kind, though, never at the other person's expense.
Finally, stay available without becoming over-available. Replying within a reasonable time shows interest. Yet cancelling your plans at the last minute or answering within seconds, day and night, sends a different message. Keeping part of your life for yourself also creates a healthy air of mystery, with no calculation and no strategic silence.
5Polish your profile and build shared context
On a dating app, your profile is the first impression. A recent, well-lit profile photo that shows your face invites contact more than a blurry selfie. A concrete bio mentioning two or three passions also offers ready-made topics of conversation.
Shared context matters as well. A common interest, a neighbourhood you both know or a group activity offers natural common ground. On Koeur24, matching takes location, age and interests into account, so those shared starting points are easier to find.
To get their attention in this setting, start from what you genuinely have in common rather than a generic compliment.
- Quote a specific detail from their profile in your message.
- Suggest an activity linked to a shared passion.
- Reply warmly, without watching every notification.
- Share a moment from your week instead of a plain "how are you?"
- Update your photos when your life changes.
6What pushes people away, even with good intentions
Some tactics promise to get their attention every time. In practice, they damage trust. Take the old advice to make him jealous, or her. Flaunting other admirers or mentioning an ex creates insecurity rather than desire. And once the person sees through the game, things start on an uneasy footing.
Pressure has the same effect. A flurry of messages, "did you see my text?" or complaints about reply times make people feel watched. An occasional follow-up is normal. Three unanswered messages in a row, however, call for a pause.
Finally, don't change your personality to please. Faking a passion for football or playing a cooler role usually shows sooner or later. Above all, you risk attracting someone who likes a version of you that you cannot keep up.
7When to stop trying to get their attention
At some point, the healthiest choice is to let go. If you have shown your interest clearly and nothing comes back after several weeks, the answer often lies in that silence. Likewise, a polite refusal is still a refusal, even if it disappoints you.
Carrying on trying to get their attention then becomes costly. You watch for notifications, analyse every word, and your self-esteem takes a hit. If this pattern keeps repeating, talking about emotional dependency with a friend or a professional can help.
To close the chapter, a dignified message beats ghosting. For example: "I understand this isn't mutual, and that's okay. I enjoyed our chats and wish you all the best." Then keep your word: no follow-up a week later.
This choice is not a failure. In fact, it frees up space for someone who will want to discover you too. And next time, you will recognise mutual attention much faster.